Stint In Thailand Leads To Changed Outlook On Life

     When Falmouth residents Donald H. and C. Diane Crosby walked into their Depot Avenue condominium this spring after being stationed in Thailand for the Peace Corps for 27 months, they had a visceral reaction.
     “I walked through that front door so overwhelmed with where I lived. It was like walking into a mansion. We have so much stuff,” Ms. Crosby said.
     She looked in the closet. “I was heartsick that I have so many things,” she said. The couple started immediately packing up their things, ending up with 15 to 20 bags and boxes that they donated to local agencies.
     “I never realized all I had,” Ms. Crosby said. “I always thought I was a fortunate person, but I realized I had stuff I don’t need.”
     That change in attitude was one of many that the Crosbys took away from their experience of spending more than two years in a culture vastly different from what they were used to.
     The Crosbys, who recently celebrated their 48th wedding anniversary, are among a wave of older Americans joining the Peace Corps, a trend that the organization is still adjusting to. In fact, the Crosbys are among a number of seniors who have given suggestions to the organization on ways to adjust the program to make it more “senior-friendly,” altering the daily schedule to make it a little less intense, for example.
     In December 2005, when the Crosbys were packing for their journey, embarking on what they imagined would be the adventure of a lifetime, they had little idea what would be in store. While Mr. Crosby had been assigned as a schoolteacher, Ms. Crosby was not as sure what her role would be. As it turned out, she held several jobs and filled in any spare time with extra volunteer work.
     They returned from Thailand this spring with new friends and many memories of a journey that, at times, tested their marriage, but ultimately strengthened it.
     It took them some time to adjust to life back here. The first thing they noticed when they returned in April was the cool weather. In Thailand, it was often over 100 degrees and very humid.
     Their Peace Corps journey was followed closely by friends and family through a series of e-mail messages that serve as a kind of diary of their stay. Diane Crosby’s sister gathered all the e-mails in a thick book that the Crosbys flip through to remember how it felt to be so far from home.
     The e-mail messages capture the ups and downs of a life in which challenges are overcome moment by moment, and there might be glimpses of the extraordinary just around the next corner.
     Diane Crosby opens the book to a random page and reads part of an e-mail from November 1, 2006, in which she was, “sweeping up lizard poop and bugs and boiling water to wash dishes.”
     The Crosbys were stationed in a province in the northern section of the county, called Uttaradit.
     But they began their journey by training for 10 weeks in the province of at Uthaitani, the provincial capital.
     During the training, they lived in a village six miles away from the capital, with a host family, who Ms. Crosby described as “simple people who were very gracious. They couldn’t do enough for us.”
     The Crosbys slept on a mattress on the floor, covered with a mosquito net because there were no screens on the windows. They house had no kitchen and dishes were washed outside. They took cold showers several times a day, and they ate breakfast and dinner with the host family.
     The training involved taking classes in Thai culture and language.
     The language classes were particularly trying for the Crosbys, especially learning the five different tones that are part of the language.
     Mr. Crosby said they were able to learn what he calls “survival Thai,” enough to get by.
     In fact, one thing the Crosbys learned is that it is more difficult for older volunteers to pick up a second language, than it is for younger volunteers. The part of the brain essential in learning language is one of the first to atrophy as the body ages, Mr. Crosby said.
     Making adjustments for the difficulty for older people in learning languages is another area, along with the schedule, that the Peace Corps is looking at, thanks to input from the Crosbys and others, Mr. Crosby said.
     “We don’t learn the same way. I think there will be some changes in Washington, because now the Corps serves primarily older volunteers. There is a maturity level and life experiences that are brought in,” Ms. Crosby said.
     As for the schedule, “the Peace Corps schedule has been set up over the years to keep young people engaged. Now that more older people are involved, the organization is changing some of its programs to keep in mind differences in older people,” Ms. Crosby said.
     After 10 weeks of training, the Crosbys had become very close to their host family. “When we left, we sobbed,” Ms. Crosby said.
     They were then stationed for two years in a small, poverty-stricken village, called Thung Yang, where the average person worked in the fields making about $4 a day.
     Treated Like Dignitaries
     They were greeted at the village on the first day with a huge welcoming party that included the mayor of the town. In fact, throughout their stay, they were treated like dignitaries by the local officials.
     “We had our pictures taken more times than George Bush,” Mr. Crosby said.
     After two months with a host family, they decided to use some of their savings to rent a house on the outskirts of the provincial capital of the village. They found a small house that was unique in that is was not on stilts and was made of wood, not the usual tin.
     It also had screens on the windows and a sink in the bathroom. They had hot and cold running water, electricity, and even the Internet.
     Ms. Crosby said that while most people in their village did not have a telephone, all had televisions, typically with three Thai channels that show news, soap operas, cartoons, and sports.
     The Crosbys decided to pay extra for a special cable package that included English language channels, like the international CNN and the BBC.
     Within two months of their arrival, there was a major mudslide, part of the worst flood that had hit the village in 100 years. Many people were killed and homes destroyed, and the Crosbys helped in the relief effort.
     A typical day for the Crosbys began at about 5:30 AM when they awoke to the sound of monks chanting, roosters crowing and dogs barking.
     One thing that struck them upon returning to Falmouth was, as Ms. Crosby put it, “It’s so quiet here.”
     The Crosbys would leave for work at 8 AM and arrive at the school about 15 minutes later, in time to watch the children perform their opening exercises, in which they line up by grades and say their morning prayers to Buddha, then do a series of exercises.
     After a day at the school, they would arrive home at about 4:30 in the afternoon. Then they would go out to dinner with friends about four nights a week. Mr. Crosby noted it was cheaper to eat dinner out than to cook in, with restaurant meals costing about $1 per meal at a noodle shop.
     Occasionally they would treat themselves to a special dinner at a restaurant that served American and Thai food. That was a little pricier, but had the benefit of an air conditioner, Mr. Crosby said.
     The Crosbys enjoyed the Thai food, especially the markets where fruit was particularly plentiful.
     Favorites were pineapples, which cost 50 cents for two kilos’ worth, Mr. Crosby said.
     Ms. Crosby said her favorite fruit was pomelo, a sweet version of a grapefruit.
     There were also oranges and watermelon in abundance.
     In the village the Crosbys were living in, there was fresh garlic growing that was so delicious, it could be eaten by itself, Mr. Crosby said.
     Mr. Crosby worked at the school teaching geography. He spent two days a week at the elementary school, two days at the secondary school, and also taught English to Thai English teachers.
     The Thai way of teaching is quite different from teaching styles in the United States, the Crosbys soon discovered.
     “The kids listen and the teachers talk,” Ms. Crosby said.
     Ms. Crosby held a range of jobs.
     She taught kindergarten and worked at a daycare center one day a week. Trained as a nurse, she also worked part time at a health clinic, where, she said, “the nurses did everything.”
     Ms. Crosby said her role at the clinic was mainly to make suggestions and try to talk to patients. She also went on home visits, for instance to a family in which several members had HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
     She said that one major health issue that they noticed was that “alcoholism was rampant.” That was one area where Ms. Crosby felt she could really help out, since she has a background in substance abuse counseling.
     She ended up working with some patients in the psychiatric unit of a hospital in the provincial capital, as one of her side jobs.
     In their free time, the Crosbys also started a youth group program to teach the concept of volunteering, which is not something that is common in the Thai culture. They would teach the children, who were mostly ages 13 and 14, life skills through projects such as cleaning up a neighbor’s yard or straightening up the grounds of a local temple.
     Working with the teens was a high point for the Crosbys.
     “They were fantastic, Ms. Crosby said.
     Ms. Crosby became very close to the children at the school and when the director of the Peace Corps program in Thailand came to visit the Crosbys, he was touched by the children’s response to Ms. Crosby.
     “He saw the kids and the way they responded and reacted to me. He said it made his job worthwhile,” she said.
     Respect For Elders
     One stark difference the Crosbys noticed in Thailand was the way people treat their elders.
     In Thailand, the culture fosters a respect for their elders. For example, in grocery stores, young people insist on carrying bags for seniors, Ms. Crosby said. “That was something to get used to,” she said.
     They met one woman who had lived in the United States for 35 years but came back to Thailand to take care of her elderly mother. “That’s what they do. They take care of their parents. There are no nursing homes,” Ms. Crosby said.
     The Crosbys made several very close friends, among them Da and Annop, retired school teachers, who owned the house the Crosbys rented.
     Many Thais use only one name rather than a first and last name.
     Da and Annop had started their own special school, focusing on English and math and charging only what people could afford.
     The Crosbys had the opportunity to travel to China, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Lao, as well as throughout Thailand.
     Their favorite place in Thailand was Chiang Mai, the provincial capital which Ms. Crosby described as “eclectic.”
     The Crosbys also enjoyed learning about the hill tribe people, who are indigenous people from Myanmar or China, and they were fascinated by the elephant camps, which are set up to preserve the habitat of elephants.
     They particularly enjoyed visiting Cambodia and Lao, noting the people, the vegetation, and the flowers.
     Looking back on their experience, Ms. Crosby said what she liked best was the culture and the warmth of the people. “They welcomed us and loved us to death,” she said. “They say it’s the land of smiles and it truly is.”
     What they liked least was the fact that trash is left on the street and the poor air quality.
     “They use a lot of plastic and burn it,” Mr. Crosby said.
     Mr. Crosby agreed with his wife that it was the warmth of the people that he liked best.
     What he liked least was the lack of concern for environmental issues. “There were no trash barrels. People threw things on the ground,” he said.
     As for their marriage, it was surely tested.
     “We were with each other so much. It took a lot of work. There was no place to get away from each other,” Ms. Crosby said. And being far from friends and family was difficult. “At times, I was so overwhelmed with loneliness,” she said.
     Mr. Crosby agreed that they missed their friends and family. “We missed them a lot.” While they were overseas, one of their best friends died.
     Ms. Crosby said the experience brought them closer as a couple, teaching her “to be patient and tolerant and appreciative and how to work together.”
     Mr. Crosby said they were fortunate in that they were able to help each other through problems. “We were there to pick each other up from time to time,” he said.
     Mr. Crosby said he was left with an appreciation of his life, “as a teacher for 35 years in Dover, as co-owner of a bed and breakfast, and to go abroad with the Peace Corps. What a life,” he said. “I feel so blessed to have these opportunities as an American.”
     As for what the future holds for the Crosbys: probably more volunteer work.
     “We’re not done yet,” Ms. Crosby said.